I am wife to a magnificent man and mother to five wonderful children. Three of my children were born in the Northwest and two were born thousands of miles away in Liberia, West Africa. Birthplace is no matter, all of my children were born in my heart. This is our journey.

Friday, November 20, 2009


I'm a little more than tired of the windy weather. I love the sound of it but not so much the tall oak trees that bend and move and threaten to break and share parts of their lanky bodies all over the house and cars.

When we moved here it was gorgeous. It was spring and the leaves were green and the grass was in the cool shadows of the tall old oak trees. The trees are what drew us to this place but they are also the reason that I lie awake many fall and winter nights cursing those tall trees and threatening to pull up stakes and move already.

I've had two such nights this week. It's been a tiring process of convincing myself that laying awake thinking and listening and is not going to keep anything from happening. Resigning to the fact that I can only pray for protection and beyond that I have to rest and trust. Easier said than done my friends.

Added to my own issues is that our oldest son is now having some night time issues. He has always struggled here and there with making sure the doors are locked and not sleeping until I get home if I am out for some reason. Lately, however, it seems to have escalated for him. Every noise strikes fear in him and he has been so tired. Watching him and his worry has been like looking in the mirror. He says the same things I say and the feelings are so very real.

I have been learning this week that I need to model what I do with the fear. Praying with him and letting him know that I can be confident in our protector. My words won't mean much to him if my actions don't match them. Last night he read his bible before bed and went to sleep listening to worship music as he does most nights but he still didn't rest very well.

Fear. It can be gripping but it does not have to have a hold over me.


daughtersfather said...

...and fear will alter our life decision making processes. It makes us decide and do things we normally would not do. Faith looks to the future with God...fear looks to the future without God. They function in the same way in that they both believe that what you can't see is going to happen. You know my history and that these are not platitudes nor trite sayings to me.

heartchild said...

Thanks for saying that, dad. I had not thought of faith and fear that way. Hmmm, lots to ponder.

jjayne said...

I've always been told that God and fear can not co exist but recently I've been told that God & fear can co exist but that giving that fear to God is the key. Remember, God is not a God of fear but fear comes from the enemy. When we fear, we give a foothold to the enemy. Give it to the Lord and let him handle our fear. Believe Him!!! (written by Brooke not John)