Loss

There it is. Loss. It's such a short word for the waves of emotion that it carries. There are so many words that come to mind when I hear the word loss.

Grief...Pain...Depression...Time...Raw...Regret to name a few...

and there are so many more. What definition the word has is different for each person who is experiencing the loss. My 26 year old cousin died recently in a tragic car accident. It's interesting to me that the word tragic is always used ahead of whatever happened. Is it ever not tragic? It seems redundant to me. Redundant but necessary I suppose. Going to her viewing and funeral brought up many emotions that I was unprepared for. During her viewing I watched her parents greet friends and family trying to be strong for those around them. It brought back all too familiar memories that feel like yesterday. My husband and I buried our first born daughter more than 8 years ago. She lived for just ten short days. I remember going through the motions of hugging, talking and crying with those that care for us. We both so wanted to comfort those around us. We wanted them to feel that we were ok. Watching the pain in their eyes for us was almost harder than the pain of losing her. Comforting others, however, provided a welcome distraction from the aching pain that lied in wait to overtake every part of my being. It was one child and several months later before the full extent of the pain hit me. We were overjoyed to have a new life in our home. The joy of our second daughter's birth, however, did not fill the void of our first daughter's absence. It had the opposite result in fact. Caring for her and learning to know her made the loss of our first daughter that much greater. Before then I had not fully understood the true depth of my loss. This amazing and beautiful gift that I had been granted to raise forced me to face the pain in a way that I was unprepared for. It was the experience of losing a child and then being given a child that led us more rapidly to the road to adoption. Life here is so short.

Loss. Pain. It doesn't really matter what you have lost or how you have lost. A parent, child, friend, church, home, relationship, hopes, dreams. They all have their own depth of pain but there is one poignant thing I have taken from these experiences. Pain is pain. Simple but profound to me. Pain is pain. It overwhelms and it can be paralyzing. But it makes us who we are. We are a product of the pain in our lives. See, pain is a gift. It levels us and hopefully, if we allow, takes us to the foot of the cross. To the feet of the One who understands pain. To the feet of the One who picks us up and carries us until we are strong enough to walk again.

Field Trip Day

We trecked to the aquarium for a field trip this week. A very nice volunteer

diver gave the kids a lesson in how

they use scuba gear.

Figuring out where to go next.

Big brother helping little brother see the otters.

Mom watching daughter make ultra trendy bird hat.

Lots of fun was had by all. But the most exciting part of the day for the kids was the shark disection. I wish we had pictures of that, it really was amazing. The highlight for me was being there for a feeding in the sea bird aviary. They had a question and answer time which was quite educational. It was homeschool day and they had many labs set up. I am sure we will go again next year. It was worth it.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Oldest daughter: Professional Women's Basketball Player
Oldest son: NFL runningback
Middle daughter: Travel around the world on horseback
Next daughter: Doggie daycare
Youngest son: Football coach cuz I want to say hike

I love asking this question every once in awhile. You never know what they have picked up here and there. Plus as their mom I want to encourage them in interests they have and help direct them in any way that I can. This time the doggie daycare and horseback were the biggest surprises. As far as the doggie daycare goes we don't even do kid daycare. Where did she come up with that? Around the world on horseback? How do you train for that? The logisitics are daunting at best.

Ahhh to be young and have your whole life ahead of you. So many directions to go, so many options. I can't wait to see what the future holds but for now I will just enjoy getting a glimpse into their thinking. You never know what tomorrow holds so I am going to stop today and listen, chances are I might see or hear something amazing today.

My son the comedian

Today we were working on a KWL chart for reading. We look at a story's title, any pictures on the first page and read the first paragraph. The first section, the K, they are supposed to write down what they know already from looking at those 3 things. The second part, the W, is where they are supposed to write what they want to know or hope to find out reading the story. After completing the first section the conversation went something like this:

Mom: So now that you have written what you do know, what do you want to know?

Son: I want to know when school will be over. (with that same grin in that picture up there)

He gave me a good laugh today. Is it just me or does that boy look like he's 13 in that picture?

Kefir

Kefir is our newest discovery. Weird name don't you think? It's basically yogurt on steriods. It is fermented. Makes your mouth water right? It really is like drinking yogurt and it is mixed with milk so it has a milkshake consistency. The kids and I drank vanilla kefir tonight. Hubby made a strawberry smoothie with it. The 3 youngest liked it straight but daddy and the older 2 preferred the smoothie. I see many more smoothies in our future. It is quite good for you. It boosts your immune system, helps with digestion tract issues and helps with eczema. Hubby and youngest daughter deal with eczema from time to time. Just found out while doing research that eczema can be caused by low intestinal flora, something Kefir corrects. It's not the cheapest thing around but we are looking into making it ourselves. You can buy kits to make it and it's about 70% less and that is very affordable. Besides, what price would you pay for good health?

I'll keep you posted on the results. I bet you'll be waiting with baited breath.

What's for dinner?

Dinner tonight

Bean Soup...It's been cooking all day....mmmm.

That's leftover turkey and garden carrots floating in

all that soupy goodness.

Rolls...oh how we love homemade rolls.
I believe that oldest daughter would live on bread alone if we let her.
We are trying to teach her that it's not biblical to live on bread alone.
I can hear her now. "Then why is it soooo good?" I know, I hear ya.
You're preaching to the choir missy. :-)

Boys will be boys

Where is it written that if it's dirty, gross or will freak someone out a boy must try it? Youngest was caught this morning scrubbing the floor with *MY* electric toothbrush. Now I appreciate his diligence and willingness to ease the burden of the cleaning for his Mom but really? My toothbrush? I do carry some of the blame what with actually using old toothburshes to clean nooks and crannies around the house. But it's not like I left it out somewhere and it just called his name. He had to go get it out of my drawer in my bathroom in my bedroom. Now that's commitment. *Sigh* At least he was being productive.